For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
