i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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