Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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