Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize