Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
