I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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