Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
