$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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