He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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