at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
