he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Jerry, you need to find god
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
