you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
