I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
