I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
