I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
