Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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