i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
