I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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