There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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