At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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