Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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