If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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