cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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