please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
