thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
