i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
