we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
