So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
