So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
