Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
