thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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