I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
