well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
