The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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