I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
