M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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