I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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