he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
