I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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