One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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