If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at templeÂ
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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