dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
no you cant smoke seaweed
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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