Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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