I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We don't watch enough power rangers
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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