I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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