Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
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