You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
