today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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