You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
