The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
