I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Randomize
