I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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