My liver just broke up with me...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
