Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
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it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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