my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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