If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
