I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
