Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
