I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Randomize
