YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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