I just threw up on my dentist
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
