i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
