Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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