Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
