I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
