In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
