Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
