he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
