We won't sleep together?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
