jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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