I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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