im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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